Thursday, March 15, 2007

Collared



Dear Michael Adams of Bravo's "Top Design,"

Seriously now. Put that damned collar down.

What else do I have to say? On this latest episode you did the double-popped-collar thing, an evil tantamount to ethnic cleansing. Or knowingly giving someone herpes. It's seriously fucked. There was a superb essay in The Village Voice, by Andy Selsberg, that pointed out how a popped collar (not to mention TWO of them at once!) indicated a serious flaw in character - a selfishness. A lack of altruism. Do you see AIDS researchers with popped collars? Or someone walking a marathon for breast cancer? It makes me worry that you lack a soul, or a heart. That you're a husk representing such a blaring sense of self-worth and obsession that even Ayn Rand would balk.

And on a fashion level it's noxious. I mean, giving you benefit of the doubt, let's assume these shows were taped a year ago. The friggin' collar thing was tired even then. Is it your "signature?" Get new handwriting, pal.

Man. You looked like Dracula or, from behind, a neckless grotesquerie from "300."

Collar down!

Yours,
L

PS - That photo is from Michael's own blogspot blog. He claims that some people insist he looks high-school aged. Whoever said such a thing must have been in a Hollywood agent-level froth of flakiness at the time. Best you can hope for is "you look like mutton disguised as lamb!" Someone load Michael's blog up with comments to get that motherf*cking collar down!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I also remember the column from the Voice on the collar fad. Seriously, men who pop are jerks. I won't even talk to someone who pops. Why bother?

Ryan said...

Hahaha! High school-age! Oh my god... I don't think I've ever read anything more funny.